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 Two teabags of Relaxed Mind tea in a hotcup at 1:18am. 

Had a complete deer-in-the-headlights day unable to wrap my head around the workthing. Endlessly shooting contract killers weeping at errant thoughts – guilts over the outbursts of the night before, this unending avoidance of my own shit-ness thrashed out in a coil. I saw a demon, then a gremlin mocking me in the night clouds, the half-moon appearing in its left eye with a maleficent wink. 

Tomorrow I have to get the passport sorted out but there are so many steps I need to accomplish to get from here to there – having avoided everything and everyone – see, that's just the thing, I keep coming to the omphalos moment for the account, just to voice this one all-important thing about the simplification of processes because we're all losing our minds in a billion procedures –

and we lose the basic functionings of human giving in all of it, I am so criminal ––

I dearly wish I could be better than I am. 

I wish I could stop feeling so completely bewildered.

I am a man of parts.

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July 2014

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